OK, I’ve had enough of these goddamn false claims to metrosexuality. If you were a metrosexual, honey, I wouldn’t be sleeping with you. But you don’t believe me, so I’ve devised this clever little test for you and all your friends.
1. You set your alarm extra early…
a) ONLY on those rare days you have a meeting before 9 am.
b) Most mornings. Work commitments…
c) Every morning, to facilitate your extensive cleansing routine. You allow an extra 45 minute sleep-in on weekends only.
2. Your magazines of choice are:
a) Anything to do with movies or IT. And the TV guide is a magazine, right?
b) National Geographic and/or New Scientist.
c) Wallpaper, and you’re occasionally tempted by Men’s Health. Oh, and there’s that nice one they’re doing now that focuses on men’s holistic wellness.
3. When you have your hair cut, you secretly wish:
a) That your close shave on 2 will take more than 6 weeks to grow back so that you don’t have to waste another hour doing this until next season.
b) That the head massage would go on for another 25 minutes, preferably in a private room.
c) That you could ask the hairdresser to tutor you to do that gel-and-fingers maneuver as skilfully as she does. Oh, and you must remember to get the name of that hair treatment she used this time.
4. You’re out one Saturday with your closest guy friend. Your ex sends a weird sms. Your reaction:
a) You don’t notice over the noise of the ten pin bowling.
b) You read the sms, then get back to ordering the next round.
c) You read it. You show it to your friend. You both spend three hours speculating your friend about the motivation and psychology of this behaviour.
5. The movie you went to see this week was:
b) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
MOSTLY A’s: Uh, your feminine side is safely kept under wraps. Only brought out on special occasions and when absolutely necessary. Maybe. You have a decently strong handshake and when you eye a girl, she gets that primal thing that your metro acquaintances can smell but not understand.
MOSTLY B’s: You know how to wash out the bath. But you don’t colour code your cupboards. You’re still mostly guy. Women notice you, sometimes, but you’re a little oblivious to them.
MOSTLY C’s: You’ve got it bad. There are petite, clean-minded girls queuing up to date you. Unfortunately, most of them suspect that you’re gay. But they love talking to you.